Silver Anniversary
25 Years of a Dual #HigherEdPro Marriage
25 years ago tomorrow, October 18, 1997 my husband, Shawn and I were married in a Greek Orthodox Ceremony at his hometown church in Lowell, MA. Today, the church sits across the street from the University of Massachusetts at Lowell student center. Apropo of nothing, but for a couple whose life together has been spent as Higher Education administrators, it seems particularly fitting that student life is literally at the backdoor of where our life together began.
As with any couple who has built a life together we have weathered challenges, had great celebrations and find ourselves after 25 years in a bit of a marital groove. We know what we love to do, we know that we don’t agree on everything, and we know that we are not nearly as good individually as we are as a pair. We are better parents, better humans and better Higher Education professionals - together.
Shawn came to Student Affairs by accident - as many of us do. While enrolled in Law School at Boston University, he became a RA and later a Graduate Assistant. He enjoyed the work in Student Affairs far more than the legal profession that were ahead of him, and he decided to pivot to being a “HigherEdPro” post graduation. While dating we lived apart in different states, New York, Pennsylvania, and then returned to Massachusetts as a couple at separate institutions when we got married. He came to love living on campus, and commuted from my campus to his. For 21 years of our marriage we lived where I worked. During that time, Shawn made his way to my events, met my students, and became a face on campus. It was as if he was able to be a presence on two campuses when I was doing all I could to be visible on my own.
We have seen one another at our highest highs - chairing regional and national committees, doing great and good work on our home campuses, and being considered at the height of our careers. We have also been by each other’s side when the most difficult situations were being felt on our campuses, whether they be the death of a student or a beloved colleague, Norovirus outbreaks (yuck) or institutional upheaval (double yuck). And, thank goodness we had one another when we experienced our most difficult setbacks. He was there when I couldn’t pick up my head from the tears, and I believe that my presence at times of challenge for him have, at the very least, provided him with comfort and a sense of direction when that is all we can hope for.
In the Greek Orthodox Tradition, there is a portion of the wedding ceremony where simple crowns, or Stefana, are placed on the bride and groom’s heads. The crowns are connected by a ribbon and symbolize that the couple are the king and queen of their marriage and are joined together forever. But the crowns and the ribbon also symbolize martyrdom, indicating that every marriage involves self-sacrifice from both sides. As I think of our 25 years together, I know that if we were to weigh out the moments where self-sacrifice was most prevalent, it would be related to our careers. Shawn took many a backseat for me to rise to meet my career goals, encouraging me every step of the way.
For me, I hope that I am the most supportive spouse and partner to him whenever there are moments for encouragement and love to be expressed and felt. Over the last few years where we worked from home on many, many days, I had the opportunity to see how he makes his way through his day interacting with students, making difficult decisions, creating strategic opportunities. I never thought I could believe in and love him more, but the pandemic was a blessing in that regard.
Everyday, we wear our crowns together, joined by a ribbon and living a life of our choosing. Happy Anniversary.
Tomorrow on “Office Hours with Dr. De Veau” Being an educator means (hopefully) having an impact on one’s students. On the next episode of Office Hours we are joined by a member of the “House of De Veau”, K. Parker Hess, who will speak on the transition from Graduate Student, to New Professional to “Next Step Pro”. Be ready for a lively conversation between Dr. De Veau and ONE of her favorite Mentees. Tuesday, October 18 at 1pm Eastern.